How do I even begin to say all I have to say.
Tensions are high but rarely talked about because we are all too much of a coward, I guess that shitty quality runs through thousands of branches within my bloodline. I just wish...I could somehow turn back time. Like, the seconds I was falling in the autumn leaves with cousin Austin, the seconds where my starlight-Kacie-would run down gliding on her knees in the city malls, the days when my mom and dad would excuse me from school just for a day of being on the lake and fishing. Those good moments I hold so close as well as many, I just want to revisit it them so badly when everything turns red and blue and bruises plenty of purples.
But...I think if I just...continue to hold on to this precious life of mine, I can do my absolute best to live a time of love and peace. That's all I desire and now...I'm willing to burn down bridges the same way I was burned as a witch in my past life so from here on out, I'm ending that quality of being too scared to do anything in my generation for the new ones to live peacefully without feeling like they are the birth of complications and anger and depression. Not again for all the centuries that go on after I have died.
I'm getting that job...I'm getting my driver's license...I'm getting that apartment...I'm publishing those books...I'm making my queendom true and give second chances on those with their hope fading away and it's only a matter of time.
Look out world, you're going to remember this little girl who replaced her tears with letters and words from a whole other universe that she created out of lifetimes of isolation and grief.
Maybe I'm undeserving of even thinking of tomorrow after years of my misery and spreading that sorrow who I felt needed it more than me. But...maybe everything is going to end. Literally.
Maybe's are the greatest enemy and fear of humankind. I can understand that but... I'm combatting it by throwing the love I once held because maybe once was mercy. So what better weapon to go to war with but mercy?
